"No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow." ~Lin Yutang

Friday, June 3, 2011

on a rant: (reader beware)

i realize i haven't posted in almost a whole month.  i realize that the last 2 posts were gratituesday posts.  however, if you want a post from me, this is all i've got and this is how my mood's been most of the day!!!
i just got back from running some errands.  my last one ended like this:
i was leaving my place of business (where i was doing business, i mean) and i saw two little kids, one boy and one girl, perhaps the ages of jones (4) and boo (3), standing at the other side of the parking lot getting ready to cross the driving part. 
it doesn't sound like a big deal, and it really wasn't, except that it was a rather busy parking lot at about 3ish pm.  therefore the parking lot was almost full, and cars were crossing the "driving part" one right after the other after the other, not to mention cars backing up and such as well.  there was a guy sitting in the car right by them that they obviously belonged to.  he was instructing them to look both ways and not cross until it's clear.  so, that was good.  i was also crossing the "driving part", but was crossing back to my car.  they were right next to my van, so when i got to my van i just decided to see if they wanted my help.  i simply asked, "would you like me to walk with them across?" 
he didn't answer.
so, i held my hand out for them and asked again, "do you want me to cross with them?" 
this time he looked at me with a kinda disgusted look.  he rolled his self out of his car and mumbled, "if i wanted someone to cross with them it'd be me...."  at which i felt BAD for offering help, but he continued, "...was just tryin' to let 'em be big kids."
i had half the mind to turn around and say, "well by all means!  let them be big kids!  i was just trying to help IF you needed help.  ---i wasn't implying that you're a horrible or lazy or a fat dude.  i wasn't judging you in any means!"  (but now i will!!!)  i was almost shaking i felt sooooo bad, or mad, or offended.  for trying to help someone out.  he could have said, "no, i'm right here watching.  i'm just letting them do it by themselves this time."  that seems reasonable.  that wouldn't have hurt my feelings.  ???  what's wrong with society?!
people can't help others out without offending them.  and so then people grumble out snarky remarks loud enough for others to hear, but quiet enough that they know you're "trying" to be discreet, that in turn are even more offensive sometimes.  people can't even say things to strangers without offending them.  even when you think you're being nice, someone's bound to take those words and be all offended by them!
i tell ya what!  it makes me just want to hide away with all my kiddos and not ever have to encounter social settings!!!!! 
i believe in the saying, "it takes a community to raise a child"!  i think that everyone needs to look out for each other.  i think that when i go to the park and there are kids there using profanity, that i SHOULD speak up and tell them to watch their mouths (and i do).  i think that when we go to the park as a family and there is a boy misbehaving and disrespecting his mother, my huband SHOULD speak up and tell him how a boy should always listen and respect his mother (and he does).  i think that whenever others around you may even show the slightest need for help and you are able, you SHOULD help.  none of those things SHOULD be offensive to the other individuals.  it's called responsibility!  (seeing what needs done and doing it!) 
i also think that when someone says something, people need to step down off their whatever-it-is-that-makes-everything-offensive and just take the comment.  respond however you would, but don't be offended!  if someone's giving a suggestion, take it or leave it.  what's it going to hurt them?!  people aren't all mean and horrible.  they don't say things to offend others.  they're usually just trying to help.  or sometimes compliment!  if what they said offended you, then CHANGE YOUR HEART!  be thankful that they care to talk with you!!!  anytime i ever feel the urge to speak to a stranger i have to resist because i'm afraid i'll offend them somehow.  honestly new moms are the easiest to offend so if you're a new mom... no offense, but this post is for you.  :P

...and that's my rant for the day folks...
well, one of them!  ;)

Try to remember, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." 


LouisianaMom said...

Great post! This is one thing I adore about the Southern culture, is most people talk to others without hesitation ... of course like anywhere there are not so nice people, but for the most part... at least where we live what you described would be a normal occurence that would ve ended with a "thanks" rather than nastiness... kudos to you for not telling him off!

Liz said...

wow. what a jerk! I'm so with ya though! we all need to help each other out!

Trenicker said...

well said. I'm glad you offered to help, even though it ended so badly. As adults, we have a responsibility to notice and act on things we see that are not quite right. I think the first problem was that the guy chose a busy parking lot to let his kids be "be kids" in. The second problem was his attitude towards you when you offered help. Don't let others poor choices and attitudes stop you from doing what is right! If you ever find yourself in the same situation, I hope you do the same thing (but if it happens to be the same guy, maybe you should just keep walking!) because it was the responsible thing to do!

I also think that people tend to be more offended by others words or offers of help when they know they are in the wrong (or at least in the gray area heading towards the wrong). It boils down to insecurity, which is why new moms get easily offended by others advice. I'm not saying that people should be so easily offended, but I think it's good to remember where others are coming from. New moms hear advice, offers of help and suggestions way more then they hear praise about the good job they are doing, so I think it wears them out.
So, good thoughts my sister, and keep on being a part of the village that raises children, because it needs people like YOU!

MamaT said...

that's an absolutely brilliant conclusion about the new mom's phenonimom. from now on when i see parents in stores, i'll raise my courage to tell them they're doing a great job!
i've been told that ONCE (by a stranger) and it pretty much made my week!

and really, there wasn't ANYTHING wrong with the fat guy sitting in his car watching his little kids cross the parking lot. it's just not something that one would normally see, so i thought that he MIGHT need help. and i was able. so that's why i offered.
*i mean, my kids were waiting in the van for me while i was running my errand... so who am i to judge his parenting?!*
it just upset me the way he was offended when i was only trying to help.
if i were him, and i was trying to let my kids be big, i wouldn've declined the offer with a thanks.

Trenicker said...

i think moms will LOVE hearing that from you!

Yes, declining help with a thank you is totally the way to go!
like you were teaching #5 the other day. "NO!...dank you." ;)

Ellen said...

Sadly..in this world..people are far too occupied with themselves. They fail to recognize genuine help when offered and fail to use simple manners like please and thank you. Sorry this man was so rude..but do not let this cause you to hesitate to offer help again...your heart is what shines through..not the clouds of someone in a bad mood.