"No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow." ~Lin Yutang

Sunday, December 12, 2010

being real

i was talking to a new friend today.  we were discussing some things but we kept kinda meandering back to the "being real" topic.  i'm going to let you in on a little of our convo.  ---because i'm a real kind of person.

you might have already read a post or two on my thoughts on shaving legs.  i haven't posted on plucking or piercings or make-up or clothes or lots of other physical aspects of being real, so you don't know the depth of my convictions but this post will be about being real from the INSIDE (because, if you haven't been taught this yet, "IT'S WHAT'S ON THE INSIDE THAT COUNTS!").  being real from the inside... that is, letting people see and know who you REALLY are.  not who you WANT to be or who you HOPE you are... but WHO YOU ARE.
i think i might make it a two part series.  i will start with this above mentioned conversation about being real.  my new friend, i'll call her lynette (for the sake of the reader) was talking with her husband about the BSU football coach's advice to his players.  coach pete has an approach with his football team regarding publicity.  he wants the media to make it look like the team plays for the sake of playing --for fun, if you will. 

he tells his players that no matter what you're feeling or thinking, you make it LOOK like you're having a good time, or playing one day to the next, or something along those lines.  (i wasn't in this conversation with "lynette" and her husband.  she was just telling me about it.)

"lynette" was struggling with that advice and asking what i thought about it in real life (not as football team advice). 
i thought. 
believe it or not, my initial response was... kinda.  and this is why i thought that.  as a christian, i have a responsibility to show others the love and joy i have in my heart.  when i'm around non-believers, the only way that they can know that i'm a christian is by my love and my "fruits"... they should show... i SHOULD have "fruits" emitting...  but i also should have a safe haven, a church, where i can go and expose my hardships, ask for prayer, seek assistance, etc.  a place to be myself. 
and that got me to thinking some more. 
you know, it's kinda how people live.  they only let others in when they're ready.  they live in depression, or anger, or chaos, or mood swings, or whatever... but when others are around, they put those emotions aside and be whoever they're around THINKS they are. 
i thought some more.
i can see the desire for that... because who wants to know what emotional basket cases we all are?  right?!  who wants to hear EVERYONE ELSE'S PROBLEMS... ALL THE TIME?  right?!  who wants to be friends with someone that ISN'T NORMAL?  right?! 
so then my thoughts turned around.
exactly.  who isn't normal?  or... who IS normal?!

i think that people should feel free to be them.  who else is going to be them if they aren't?  and don't you think there is a reason why you're you?  don't you have people that love you because you're you?  (the answer here is yes, even if you don't feel like it is.) 
so, think about these things for a bit.  and next time when someone asks, "how's it going?"  answer them.  look the in the eye.  maybe you'll find that they really don't care and they were asking because it's what people ask.  but maybe you'll find someone that cares about who you really are and how you're doing.  maybe people are better than you think.  maybe people DO realize that there is no "NORMAL" and that everyone goes through ups and downs.  maybe people CARE and would like to HELP others through their downs.  i know i do...

...just bein' real...
Try to remember, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."


Trenicker said...

Thanks for being real! I like being real too! We can be real together!

Jonathan and Telcia said...

--meant for me. I, once again, am convicted by your blog. (and I think you're beautiful by the way). I'm not real.
In the past, I've been very much a person who shares how things really are when people ask. I had this conversation with a friend about 2-3 years ago and often think back to it.
My friend (I'll call her lynette, too) believed you should always smile and say you're good because it drags people down to say otherwise and that's selfish. hm.
It was a long conversation, because the two sides of the spectrum are HARD TO RECONCILE. I just figure, "drag 'em down; they asked!"
But I kinda like the idea of presenting yourself with joy (because we know Christ, so we can ALWAYS present that joy and it is ALWAYS real), but then being real (in the flesh sense) with believers, because we know that they know that we know JOY.
Anyway, I'm more real with the world than the church because the world knows troubles (SIN) and at church I almost feel scared that they don't know sin. So I choose not to open up.
Which is why I want to start a small group and one of my friends who I talk to this about (let's call her Lynette, too), tells me I need to join a women's group.
But I really believe that if I was really real to the world in my life, I wouldn't have any friends at all. And no, people wouldn't make it through that merciful step.
ha. Ask my husband!
:) I love you, thanks so much!

continuing to reconcile the hard truths,
reader T

Anonymous said...

WOW! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your thoughts, Anwat, and your comments, Telcia! I'm a person who vascilates between showing the world who I really am (less often) and letting them know what I'm actually thinking/feeling (probably the majority of the time). I always try to look at the world through rose-colored glasses and that affects my response as well. Love, (your not-so-anonymous) Mommy