"No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow." ~Lin Yutang

Monday, November 8, 2010

a tip for parents. you're welcome!

following is a parenting tip that was emailed to me today.  i love to learn and even though it hurts to be corrected some times... i sure need it!  i hope the following tip can help you in training your children.

Parenting Tip
November 8, 2010

Missed Opportunities

Every day parents have opportunities to touch the hearts of their children. Sometimes it's through a story or a hug, or an apology, but often it's through the daily correction that children need.

Addressing the heart is important. Unfortunately some parents respond to their children in ways that miss the heart. One of the mistakes parents make is that they make excuses for their children. We've all heard them.

He'll grow out of it.
She's so cute.
At least she's doing what I asked.
He's tired.
He's just going through a stage.
At least she's better than other kids her age.
That's the way kids are.
She's a teenager.
He's a two-year-old.
He's a boy.
She could be a lot worse.

Each of these is an excuse for not disciplining and often represents a missed opportunity to teach or direct a child on a deeper level. Remember, we aren't just trying to help children change on the outside to develop appropriate behavior. We're trying to help them change their hearts.

Since these statements might have truths behind them, we may choose to discipline a little differently, postpone a consequence, or redirect children. There's nothing wrong with that, but we must be careful not to ignore heart issues in the process.

Look for ways to challenge your children on a heart level this week. You'll be surprised at how many opportunities are out there.

This parenting tip was taken from the book, Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

If this tip was sent to you by a friend and you'd like to continue to receive tips yourself, you can sign up at www.biblicalparenting.org.

i can say that i sure have used some of those excuses!  training is hard work and it is a constant job.  i sometimes (ok, a lot) wish that i could just teach the kids how to behave and then just have well-behaved little chitlins for the rest of their lives... but alas.  it doesn't work that way.  however, in the job of parenting and child-training, the rewards are so joyful.  having kids FULL of godly character is a reward that is limitless.  move onward!  keep it up!  <3


Trenicker said...

Thank you so much for sharing the tip sister! Before I was a parent I cringed at those excuses and now as a parent I not only cringe, but I feel sad for the child the comment is being made about. Trent and I read through Proverbs a few weeks ago and again and again we were reminded that it is a parents DUTY and JOB to discipline their children. It is not something parents do to be mean, or show off their control, but an act of love necessary in healthy development of their children.
I can see how parents easily get into the habit of not training or disciplining their kids. I think the first problem is deciding when it is appropriate to start. In public settings, when I see other parents with kids our daughters age and see how they parent, I can feel insecure in the choices that Trent and I have made in our "socially early" discipline and training ways. I almost always feel foolish for feeling insecure though, because 9 times out of 10 the children I observe have a melt down or giant fit that is dealt with by the parent with a reward. When will that parent ever stop rewarding poor behavioral choices if they don't start at the beginning?
I really could go on and on about this, as I am quite passionate about child development and training!
Trent and I are very pleased with the choices we see you making with your kids, you really do love them, even if it means being the "mean" parent to them sometimes. I would much rather come off as "mean" and have well behaved & developed children (not to mention the knowledge that I am following God's will for my family) then be seen as "nice" and have poorly behaved & developed children and knowing it was actually my fault.
In closing, I have one more thought. Parents who make excuses for their children are passing the blame from them, onto the child. I don't think that is right. Instead of saying "he's just going through a stage" or "she'll grow out of it' they really should be saying "It's my fault, I usually let her do whatever she wants so now that I'm telling her to do something she doesn't understand that she is supposed to do what I ask." and "I don't believe in discipline, even if it means having a monster child." It really is quite a disservice to our kids if we blame them for our poor parenting choices, but it is so much easier to make excuses for a child, then own up to our mistakes as an adult.
All this to say, thanks for bringing up something so interesting! You are doing great with the kiddos so keep on keeping on sister! Love you :)

LouisianaMom said...

Rhett and I were talking about this just last night... we talk about it all the time!